Image Credit: FlynetPictures.com.
What did we learn this week, Kickettes?
After careful consideration of all the available information, we all decided that Team GB was in fact a brilliant idea, although not necessarily for footballing reasons. That our tolerance to drink driving offences is inversely proportional to our tolerance of alcohol abuse.
Oh, and we really like pictures of bottoms. Regardless of who they belong to.
After Manchester City’s 3-0 away win over Villareal, we saw Joe Hart’s nipple. For us, that constitutes a ‘Good Week’. Image: AP Photo/Alberto Saiz.
Mail Fail: Former LA Galaxy & Columbus Crew midfielder Kyle Martino married his actress squeeze Eva Amurri in Charleston last Saturday, with her momma Susan Sarandon taking on hosting duties. According to sources, the bridal bunch wore Lela Rose, while the groom looked dapper in a Brioni tux. Activities included scavenger hunt, cocktail party and casual oyster roast. We have no clue what that is, but can only assume our invite got lost in the post. Again.
Cap’n Conjecture: Alright, so maybe Joe Hart’s nipple isn’t ‘quite’ enough to justify his inclusion. But random and largely baseless speculation that he might one day get the England captaincy is, surely?
Short Shrift: Swimwear supremo Robbie Rogers has taken up modelling. This is the good news. Unfortunately, one of the items he is shilling for Halsey is turquoise shorts, paired with some rather fetching blue espadrilles. On balance, we’re calling this a good news story although you might beg to differ, once you’ve seen the photos.
They’re having a baby, y’know. It’s going to look like this. Image: Robert Marquardt/Getty Images.
Covered In Hair: Cesc Fabregas is continuing to abuse our devotion by failing to deal with his hair. First he appalled us by appearing at the Barca training ground to receive a new Audi Q7 looking like this (left), then he added insult to injury by taunting us with promises he clearly had no intention of keeping. We’re close to tears, y’know.
Wayne On Wine: Wayne Rooney made his acting debut this week, in a wine commercial of all things. While we rarely need encouraging to crack open the alcohol, we have to confess that the ad for Manchester United’s ‘official wine partner’ Casillero del Diablo just left us bewildered and confused. Wazza, ‘pensive’ is not a good look on you. And why don’t WE have an official wine partner? Hello?
Not Very Cleverley: To finish, a cautionary tale for any aspiring Wagabee. A conman claiming to be Manchester United midfielder Tom Cleverley is stalking England’s streets and in an attempt to get you into bed. One woman who recently fell victim to his charms, didn’t realise she had been duped, despite the fact that ‘Tom’ took her to a Blackpool bed and breakfast to do the dirty. Nice.
Remember, girls. Always check a player’s credentials before giving up the goods. Otherwise, your sorry story could be splashed all over the pages of a budget UK tabloid.